systems theory

Acting Out of Integrity versus Deception - Ep. 117 (Responsibility Series)

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Lasting change requires more than behavior modification. Are you taking responsibility for yourself and the inner work required to make lasting change in your marriage? Listen in to find out.

3 Ways to Know When You’re Acting Out of Deception:

  1. You feel like you’re “playing the part,” but you haven’t taken on the new identity for yourself.

  2. You’ve modified your behavior, but you haven’t addressed your thoughts or feelings.

  3. You feel proud or satisfied when something you say or do elicits YOUR desired response from your spouse (rather than their truest response).

3 Ways to Know When You’re Acting Out of Integrity:

  1. Your behaviors, thoughts, and feelings are all aligned.

  2. You think of others…not in terms of how they’ll respond to you, but out of genuine care, concern, and compassion for them REGARDLESS of how they respond to you.

  3. You experience inner freedom and peace.

Questions to Ask Yourself:

  1. Where are you noticing a tendency to act out of deception instead of integrity?

  2. Is it a matter of not quite being where you want to be and needing the perseverance to keep going, to move from first order, surface-level change to second order, lasting change? Or is it a matter of beginning to notice where you might be deceiving yourself and taking responsibility for that?

  3. In order to take greater responsibility to act out of your integrity, what’s the next right thing for you? Individual counseling? Journaling and prayer? Perseverance when marriage feels hard? Courage to show up more fully in your own life?

To work with Kensi, visit bravemarriage.com. May God be glorified in you and through your marriage.

Thanks to:

  • John Tibbs for the amazing music each week.

  • Evan Duszynski for podcast editing.

  • You, the listener, for tuning each week to make your marriage better.

If You Don't Have Anything Nice to Say - Ep. 097 (Relational Health Series)

If You Don't Have Anything Nice to Say...

This month, we’re covering 4 concepts that I often address in my practice. Today’s episode is all about eliminating criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and negativity from your marriage relationship and home environment by practicing self-control.

If you enjoyed this episode, please rate, review, and share this podcast! To work with Kensi, visit bravemarriage.com.

Scripture Verses:

“Do all things without grumbling or disputing…” -Philippians 2:14

“For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out.” -Romans 7:15-18

“Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.” -Colossians 3:12-14

“Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.” -Colossians 4:6

Thanks to:

  • John Tibbs for the amazing music each week.

  • Evan Duszynski for producing and editing.

  • You, the listener, for tuning each week in to make your marriage better.

What Every Couple Needs to Know About Marital Change (Part II) - Ep. 035 (Marital Change Series)

The pattern is what matters, not the problem. We’re talking conflict patterns on today’s episode, acknowledging how each of you co-creates the marital dynamic that becomes your set norm, when your marriage isn’t functioning healthily. Identify your conflict pattern & stay tuned for next week, as we talk about what to do differently to create change in your marriage!

Mentioned on this Episode:

Music:

Podcast Editing: Evan Duszynski

If you enjoyed this episode, please:

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  3. Review on iTunes

To work with Kensi, please visit bravemarriage.com:

How to Change Your Attitude - Ep. 033 (Marital Change Series)

Is your attitude keeping you from making the changes you want to make? If you’re working toward a certain goal or outcome in your life, your attitude is either facilitating your growth or keeping you stuck in the same place. On today’s podcast, discover what attitudes might be holding you back, and what to do to change them.

Mentioned on this Episode: Liturgy of the Ordinary, Tish Harrison Warren

http://www.tishharrisonwarren.com/books/

Music: John Tibbs. Connect with him on Instagram @johntibbsmusic or listen on iTunes or Spotify.

https://www.johntibbsmusic.com/

Podcast Editing: Evan Duszynski

If you enjoyed this episode, please:

  1. Subscribe

  2. Share

  3. Rate + Review on iTunes

To work with Kensi, please visit bravemarriage.com:

Change Isn't One-Size-Fits-All - Ep. 031 (Marital Change Series)

Have you ever tried to implement a change that didn’t work for you long-term? As a marriage & family therapist, that doesn’t surprise me at all. Why? Because humans & relationships are too complex for there to be a one-size-fits-all solution to the changes we’re wanting to make. Today, I’m sharing with you what I know about change from a systems perspective, in hopes that at the end of this episode, you’ll have a better understanding of your relationship to yourself, to your spouse, AND to change itself.

Music: John Tibbs. Connect with him on Instagram @johntibbsmusic or listen on iTunes or Spotify.

Podcast Editing: Evan Duszynski

If you enjoyed this episode, please:

  1. Subscribe

  2. Share

  3. Rate + Review on iTunes

To work with Kensi, please visit bravemarriage.com: