Boundaries Around Disrespect - Ep. 124 (Boundaries Series)

If your spouse is disrespectful, and/or you find yourself treating your spouse the same way, then it’s time to set some real relational boundaries for the protection of your mental and emotional health. Below are some questions to ask and next steps to take as you think through setting unilateral boundaries:

Identity: Am I relying on others’ praise to fill me up or give me a sense of self? Am I caving in any way to the criticism of others and believing what they say over what God says of me? In what ways do I need to place more of my worth and value in who God says I am? With whom do I need to set a boundary?

Disrespect: Where do you need to set a boundary for yourself around defensiveness, criticism, contempt, or stonewalling? Which ones do you engage in and how can you catch yourself earlier on when you start to feel flooded, to stay in control of your reactions? Likewise, where do you need to set a boundary with your spouse? In what ways have you found yourself undermining your spouse? In what ways have you experienced your spouse undermining you? Move forward with setting your boundaries. 

Example: “I understand that you’re upset, but I can’t hear what you’re saying when you phrase it like that. The way you’re saying it is too hurtful to sink in. Now, I’d like to better understand where you’re coming from, but for me, we need to put this conversation on hold until both of us are calm, things are expressed differently, and I can better hear what you’re trying to say.” And then, follow through on your boundary! If your spouse won’t let it alone, reinforce your earlier statement. “I told you, I am not capable of having a conversation like this, so I’m walking away or taking some time until we can come back together and talk productively.”

Bad Behavior: Here are a few linked resources with phone numbers to help:

• Domestic Violence Hotline + Support: 1-800-799-7233

• Substance Abuse Hotline + Support: 1-800-662-4357

• Mental Health Helpline + Resources: 1-800-950-6264

To work with Kensi, visit bravemarriage.com.

Thanks to John Tibbs for the amazing music each week, Evan Duszynski for podcast editing, & you listener, for tuning each week to make your marriage even better. May God be glorified in you and through your marriage.

Boundaries Within Your Relationship - Ep. 123 (Boundaries Series)

Have you ever created or expressed boundaries in your marriage? If not, learning how to create and set boundaries within your relationship may be the key to keeping it healthy. On today’s episode, we discuss setting boundaries around time, space, and decision-making. Here are the questions posed throughout the episode to discuss within your relationship:

Time: How do you each prefer to spend your time? Are you and your spouse making it a priority to get the time and space you need to recharge and refuel so that you can be your best for those around you? If not, how can you work together to create some boundaries around your time that lead to mutual happiness in your marriage? 

Space: How much space do you desire to have in the morning? After work? After a full day with the kids? During conflict? What’s a reasonable boundary you two could set in each of these areas, given your current stage and season of life?

Decision-Making: To what degree do you listen to and consider your spouse in the decision-making process? To what degree do you assert your needs, wants, and desires in the decision-making process? What is your partner’s perspective? How can you each set a boundary that better includes the both of you in the decision-making process?

To work with Kensi, visit bravemarriage.com.

Thanks to John Tibbs for the amazing music each week, Evan Duszynski for podcast editing, & you listener, for tuning each week to make your marriage even better. May God be glorified in you and through your marriage.

Boundaries Around Your Relationship - Ep. 122 (Boundaries Series)

Three boundaries to consider setting around your relationship toward the end of the year are external circumstances, extended family, and extramarital interests.

Action Step:

1. Make this your mantra this week: “My marriage is non-negotiable.”

2. Make a list of any boundary that needs to be set, or that you anticipate having to set through the end of the year.

3. Write down your boundary in black and white, and then read it or communicate it to whoever needs to be told, that your marriage may not only survive 2020, but thrive in all the ways you most desire it to in years to come.

To work with Kensi, visit bravemarriage.com.

Thanks to John Tibbs for the amazing music each week; my husband, Evan, for podcast editing; & YOU, the listener, for tuning each week to make your marriage even better! May God be glorified in you and through your marriage.

Personal Boundaries Pt. II - Ep. 121 (Boundaries Series)

Do you ever feel like you give and give to others, while your time, energy, and desires are taken for granted? If so, then perhaps some boundaries are in order. Listen in this month to learn what boundaries are in the first place, and how to set boundaries personally and relationally.

Boundaries around your Energy: What relationships bring you life and energy? How can you prioritize these relationships and your time? On the other hand, what relationships tend to drain your energy? Are you in a season where you need to set some physical boundaries? Or are you in a place where setting an emotional boundary would be enough? And what’s one boundary that you could create there to either preserve your energy or protect your energy while being in their presence by only taking responsibility for what’s yours?

Boundaries with your Self-Worth: How do you see yourself? Where do you tend to place your self-worth? In contrast, how do you want to define your self-worth? Who do you let define it? The world? Or God? And what’s one boundary that you could create in your life in order to preserve, protect, and fully live into your identity in Christ?

To work with Kensi, visit bravemarriage.com.

Thanks to John Tibbs for the amazing music each week; my husband, Evan, for podcast editing; & YOU, the listener, for tuning each week to make your marriage even better! May God be glorified in you and through your marriage.

Personal Boundaries Pt. I - Ep. 120 (Boundaries Series)

Do you ever feel like you give and give to others, while your time, energy, and desires are taken for granted? If so, then perhaps some boundaries are in order. Listen in this month to learn what boundaries are in the first place, and how to set boundaries personally and relationally.

Boundaries on your Time: How do you desire to spend your time? When, and with whom? What pockets of time do you have that you’re unhappy with, or have mixed feelings about, where setting a different boundary may free you up from negative emotions and allow you to connect in more genuinely enjoyable ways? And what’s one small boundary that you could create and communicate in one area of your life in order to spend your time how you want to in another area of your life?

Boundaries around your Attention: How are you spending your attention? Who in your life deserves your attention but currently feels unworthy of it? What do you desire to pay better and more attention to? And what’s one small personal boundary that you could create for yourself to help you give attention to the things and people you desire to? 

To work with Kensi, visit bravemarriage.com.

Thanks to John Tibbs for the amazing music each week; my husband, Evan, for podcast editing; & YOU, the listener, for tuning each week to make your marriage even better! May God be glorified in you and through your marriage.